Monthly Archives: October 2011

Hi there…

Are you tired of your jeans not fitting?

Does that dull salad leave you feeling hungry?

Are the moody blues getting you down?

Well…you can say goodbye to those nasty diet pills and detox plans because I have the simplest solution to give you the body you’ve always dreamed of!

Note to the user: product is not designed to ever fit your idea of perfection despite what the label says. You may also harness an abhorring hatred for those around you.


Enter this world so alien to some but reality for us, the most obedient kind.
Here we do not support notions of individual integrity, nor to we advocate perfect imperfections.

One is required to look ones best at all times.

This isn’t about men anymore.
This isn’t about your husbands or your boyfriends or your fuck buddies.

Gone are the days of the feminist uprising.
Such thoughts cluster our already plastic, static brains.

This is about you.
This is about your cankles, your knee-fat, your wobbly arms, your huge pores, your weird nipples, your five-head, your hips, your thighs, your ever imperfect cunt.

How could so much stand wrong in a vessel to lovely?

She was such a pretty girl.

Little did they know that her body was overflowing with dimples and manifestations of mocking marks.
Little did they know of the small creature, growing inside her flesh to be kept in the damp for none to see.
Little did they know that this…thing this…machine that is intrinsically flawed; this selfless loving system is burdened by grief: masked over by the other.

Here…one must obliterate the senseless self because really, aren’t you tired of having no-one else to blame?

And now…despite all my words, my smile and my laugh, I will go home tonight and pinch myself purple so that maybe…just maybe, the fucking won’t seem so hollow.

Each of us has something but…aren’t you tired?

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Filed under Poetry.

Jesus Vs. Barthes: Investigating the Importance of Religion in a Post-Modern Society.

Allow me to ask you an uncomfortable question: do you believe in God? If you do, then why and to what purpose does faith have in your life? It could be something that gives you daily strength, something that gives you hope, or even something that you were simply brought up with, and you never thought to question. Obviously there are no wrong answers here, I only ask because the idea of faith and religion is very curious to me and no one likes to talk about it.

Religion and politics are often awkward dinner conversations that people tend to enthusiastically avoid; however, a few weeks ago I had such a dinner with some old and some new friends. Amongst the clatter of knives and scraping of forks, everyone was buzzing around the table talking of trivial issues, until someone mentioned climate change. Knives and forks rested, and the buzzing ceased. Climate change imminently deviated into politics, then gay-marriage, then abortion, and then –the dreaded – religion. The perspective from my old friends was typical, however, my new friends had views that I still find difficult to comprehend – and choose not to relate here. Continue reading

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Filed under Opinion Pieces.

When Lying Becomes Reality.

Q: It is acceptable to play with the truth in life writing as long as no-one gets hurt.

I was born on a dreary summer’s day on the posh side of South London in the bleak nineties. My arrival into this world collided with the much-anticipated final between the Gunners and the Spurs, and my father was none-to appreciative of that fact. My birth was what is formally known as a “traumatic birth”, in that if it weren’t for a daring, burly midwife, I might not be here today. Yes, I almost died, however it does allow for a cracking story. To start, I was too big for my mum, so big in fact that I got uncomfortably stuck on the way out. This is common in childbirth, but when the child – namely, me – starts turning an alarming shade of blue, the panic stations are on.

It seemed that the only way to get me out and screaming was for the local midwife to sit on my mother’s bulging stomach and push me out that way. Which is exactly what happened. I squirted right out and almost fell off the table if it weren’t for the trusty umbilical chord to catch me at the last minute. After a heart-wrenching second of silence, I burst into a choir of screams, was cleaned, weighed, and at 10 pounds and 1 ounce, was the biggest baby girl born in the hospital that year… Continue reading

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Filed under Opinion Pieces.

Bathroom Floors.

Joni – 18
Violet – 19
Ash – 20

Midnight. A bathroom in an old house. There is a door that divides Joni from Violet and Ash. On Violet and Ash’s side there is an old, tarnished chair and a small table with a lamp. On Joni’s side there is a large space with a small mirrored cabinet and a sink facing the audience, a toilet to the right and a large bathtub next to the toilet. Dotted around the stage are old, stacked TV sets that turn on an off at random times; they play black and white horror films, church videos, and various flashes from news stories, old and new. Violet and Ash aren’t able to see Joni and visa versa.

The scene opens with Joni storming into the bathroom and slamming the door before Violet and Ash catch up. Joni is breathing heavily, she locks the door. Violet bangs on the door. Continue reading

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Filed under Plays.