Reality of Retail.

“Hey, yeah, um, I’m looking for Don Kwiks-ote?”

“Excuse me, do you work here?”
(Unfortunately.)
“Yes! How can I – “
“I’m looking for the latest Pulitzer prize-winning book?”
(Like you’re actually going to understand it anyway.)
“Ah, sorry, don’t have that one in yet! Maybe next time?”

“Why do you keep tarot cards in Occult?”

“Scuze me mayt?”
(You are not a judgemental person.)
“Yes, can I help you?”
“Aww uhm lookin’ for the new Jahymes Petterson, you goddid?”
(You are totally a judgmental person.)
“Sorry, we haven’t seen that one come in yet.”

“Can I have a discount for this damaged book? It’s a gift for my mum.”

“Hey love, could you help me find a book?”
(Just wait for it…)
“Sure! Which one were you after?”
“It’s the one about that woman? It’s about 200 pages? Red cover?”
(Sure! Why don’t I just go the computer and type in that accurate description?)
“Um…”

“I’m sorry I’m really not feeling a positive energy from these Angel cards.”

“EXCYUSE ME? YOU THAIR? FIND ME A BOOK EH!?”
(I might actually kill this woman.)
“A book?”
“YES AH WORNT SOMETHING BEATIFUL EH?!
(How about a nice punch in the face?)
“How about Vikrum Seth?”

“Yeah, ah, do you have any Sigmund Frood?”

“Hey babe, do you have the latest James Patterson?”
(A generation of absolute morons.)
“No. Sorry.”
“Nah that’s fine honey. So what are you up to later on tonight?”
(Piss off.)
“Piss off.”

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